Smell The Roses
Oftentimes we are in such a rush that we neglect taking time out, to be with our thoughts.
We act as if everything has to be done NOW. Just for this month lets resolve to live our lives as if we are creating a symphony, like our fellow traveler William Henry Channing, who stated it this way:
“To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not rich…
To study hard, to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common – this is my symphony.”
Walk quietly my friends.
Helping Others!
Only help those who ask for your assistance, for those who don’t ask would not recognize your effort!
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The Problem With Affirmations
Cheryl had run into a stubborn little glitch with her affirmation practice. “When I say the word ‘productive,’ she told me, “I feel like I’m lying to myself.
“Each time Cheryl affirmed that she was productive; it stirred up in her a deep feeling of incongruity — what psychologists call cognitive dissonance. This basically means she was trying to believe two things that contradict each other.
Ken’s incongruity, on the other hand, was connected with the word “young.” he had no problem with “youthful,” but his mind kicked up uneasy feelings any time he tried to inject “young” into his self image.
“After all,” he explained, “at age 71 I’m NOT young. And I wouldn’t want to go back to my younger days for anything in the world. They were fun, but trying times… it took me years to gain the peace and knowledge I have now.”
Cheryl and Ken are typical. Almost everyone who tries to introduce new ideas into their self image will stir up inner conflict. And yet, we are usually surprised when this dissonance arises.
Change = Conflict
As part of our socialization process, most of us are trained to avoid conflict wherever possible. But when conflict does happen, we’re taught by example to try and dominate the strange new idea and chase it away, rather than welcoming it. In other words, we tend to argue rather than to negotiate and find common ground.
Take any two people. Inevitably, differences of viewpoint arise between them, and when this happens, doesn’t each one usually insist that their idea is right while the other’s is flawed? Most people rather be right than happy.
How often do both partners listen respectfully and try to work out a way for both of them to be right? We do see peaceful relationships, but they’re few — certainly not in the high percentages.
And just as each party usually insists that the other is wrong, so does your mind: “What I believe is not a belief… it’s RIGHT.” This leads us to skip right over any opportunity to examine our established ideas. After all, they don’t NEED examining… we already know they’re right.
It’s this unconscious, unquestioning arrogance about the infallibility of our own beliefs that keeps us stuck in one spot, not moving forward, not knowing why.
Could Your Feelings Be Telling You Something?
But is it a good idea to ignore your feelings? When your intuition tells you something is wrong, it might be good to pay closer attention, not ignore it.
In most societies, we’re taught to huddle around our positive feelings while steering clear of our negative ones. So what happens when we begin suggesting to ourselves that we’re productive, young, rich, or slender, and this brings out a cognitive dissonance? This feeling of incongruity between our suggestion and our reality makes us uncomfortable.
That feeling is disagreeable, so instead of allowing the two ideas time to marinade and settle things between themselves, we emotionally stop the affirmation. Whilst this restores the quiet within us, we virtually remain stuck.
Incongruous Feelings Are Your “Work-on-This” Sensor
How many times have you been affirming something like “I am rich” or maybe “I am growing in abundance and prosperity,” only to have the inner you laugh at the dea?
Perhaps you’ve had the same experience. If you have — and if you ended up quitting — then you were throwing away some of the best feedback the inner you will ever bring you. Your inner you isn’t telling you that you’re lying, and it’s not telling you to stop. It’s telling you that this is an area of extra sensitivity; that it’s going to need extra patience, time and help from the conscious you.
It’s saying, “I don’t know what I’m doing here… yet. And I don’t know how to make this shift… yet. So please don’t judge me too harshly if I can’t make this change immediately.” It’s saying there are feelings of insecurity and maybe a little defensiveness.
This means you may want to rid yourself of the idea that “negative” feelings are always negative. More often they’re requests for patience, understanding and soft-handed persistence.
The Real Meaning of Incongruity
The inner you is not telling you to back off or to quit. Instead, it’s pointing out exactly what you should be working on. This is priceless information, because once you know where your sensitive spots or “problems ideas” are located, you’ll know exactly where to apply your focus.
You’re no longer on a hit-or-miss basis. In other words, once you know the location of a block, it becomes much easier to ease your way through it.
First rule: Don’t be timid. Test lots of ideas, suggestions and affirmations. The ones that cause you discomfort and make you feel like a liar… those are usually your “quick-win” zones.
But don’t use force… just let your suggestions and affirmations flow in, steadily and gently. If necessary use a journal to connect heart and action to mind. You’re not “making” anything happen. You’re just giving two seemingly opposing ideas the chance to work out the best compromise.
All resolving will be done at your other than conscious level.
How About Some Techniques.
If you’re familiar with NLP, you may want to use anchoring, reframing or the swish pattern. And if you’ve never heard of these before, do a quick Google search. You’ll find reams of information on the subject.
Another excellent technique that I’ve used extensively is EFT. This involves tapping on certain acupressure points.
So if you find your mind is filled with words and concepts that are weighed down with associations of hopelessness or negativity, now you know what to do with them. You can begin changing them immediately. Once you’ve learned to change the emotions attached to common ordinary words, you’ve learned how to select your own personal character traits.
Indeed, when you control beliefs, you control your very destiny.
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